What stops us from learning how to sing?

So, I’ve put the word out there in an attempt to understand why exactly the fear factor is so high when it comes to learning how to sing

Jesse J really isn’t that scary.

So, I’ve put the word out there in an attempt to understand why exactly the fear factor is so high when it comes to learning how to sing. I know I felt it early on, and I know at times I still feel the fear factor creep in when I’ve had a hiatus or got myself out of ‘the zone’ somehow by getting distracted by other things that really don’t matter as much.

With your input plus my experience as a vocal coach plus learnings from my own singing journey (so far), I’ve put it down to one MF of a factor that takes over our psyche and prevents us from doing something that will improve our lives.

The FEAR factor. We are so AFRAID.

1. We’re afraid of failing
2. We’re afraid of showing too much of ourselves
3. We’re afraid that we might be too afraid
4. We’re afraid of showing our vulnerabilities
5. We’re afraid of what we might find out about ourselves

Let’s look into these things in a bit more detail.

1. We’re afraid of failing 

What if we try it, and we’re crap? What will that do to our egos? Will we ever be able to try it again? What will this do to our dream of becoming the next Whitney Houston or Take 5 (did I really just refer to Take 5? Wow.)

Let me tell you, without failure and mistakes, you simply won’t improve on anything. We need failure to figure out what worked for us and what didn’t work for us in order to change our approach. Failure is a learning process – I don’t even like the word failure for failure. It really should be called something like “the learning process”.

Once we get over the fear of failure, the world really is our oyster. The only way to get over failure is by doing something even though we are shit scared. Eventually the level of fear will decline. It may never completely go away for it’s the fear that usually pushes us to the next level. Simply the act of wanting to face our fears launches us into territories we thought we never could go.

So, don’t think about what you’re afraid of. Think about what you might gain from a new experience such as singing.

2. We’re afraid of showing too much of ourselves

What if I look like a dick? What will they think of me then? Will I ever be able to pull myself back up and act like a normal human being again?

What is normal anyway? Do you really want to be that thing, normal? Are we normal at the moment? Ask yourself these questions.

We’re all unique. We all have flaws. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Singers face the fear to take these potential flaws and strengths out into the public arena. We all know what goes on behind closed doors anyway. We’re becoming more and more open as a society through social media anyway.

So, what have you got to hide, really?
3. We’re afraid that we might be too afraid

What if I have a panic attack in front of a singing teacher, or up on stage? What if I freeze up and make a complete fool of myself because I reckon I could piss my pants at any moment if I sang in front of anyone?

Being scared of being scared is really only a made up thing in our mind. It’s not actually real. If we allowed ourselves to make mistakes, and stopped putting pressure on ourselves to be so friggin perfect all the time, then we wouldn’t be scared and our best selves would come out.

It’s very common to feel this fear though, and I have certainly had my fair share of panic attacks and embarrassing moments not just on stage, but at work giving presentations, or in social situations where I just haven’t felt ‘right’. It’s usually our bodies telling us that we need to take a chill pill and focus on things that make us happy.  When it comes to singing, I usually feel the fear the day of the gig, and it can even go on right until the moment when it’s show time, but something magical happens on that stage – the anxiety and fear turns into energy and passion.

Don’t hold back and try not to judge yourself. Your true self is desperate to come through and singing is really just a fabulous outlet for self expression and connection to love through the power of music. Try not to be scared of that.

4. We’re afraid of showing our vulnerabilities

I have built up such a great persona in front of so and so, I don’t want to ruin that. What will people think if they thought I was learning to sing? I have spent so long building up this facade, I can’t let the barriers down and reveal my true self now can I?

Eventually you will have to or you will break. You can only wear the mask for so long! Sometimes it’s hard to know who we truly are in order to reveal it to the world. We don’t want it to feel fake so we pick a persona that we’d like to project out into the world, and try to stick with that. Until eventually, we have denied ourselves for so long of connecting to our own unique selves that we start to go a little crazy and don’t understand what the hell is going on. Sound familiar?

Being vulnerable is illuminating. It’s refreshing, it’s healing, it’s simply what we have to do to grow into the unique human beings we were put on this earth to be. The journey of singing helps you get in touch with who you are, what you value, how you express yourself and connects you more to others.

Connection is really the driving force of life huh?

Even Madge falls off the stage every now and then. It’s all part of the deal!